I HATE THE NEWS: Virus Scares Amityville

Before the idiot news media gets word out about recent events at Edmund W Miles Middle School in Amityville, let me set the record straight.

Yesterday, several students were sent home with a fever and a sore throat. It was believed to be a mild virus, and the students were picked up and/or quarantined. They dismissed students quickly and ensured the proper clearing of the building, and the custodial staff disinfected every surface in the building. It was a 24-hour bug, and some students returned showing no symptoms. They are fine. Others took another day off to heal. This morning, 22 teachers called in sick. There was a class coverage issue which took some time to remedy, in the meantime students were corralled into the Cafeteria and Gym until coverage of classrooms could be established.

That's it. That's the whole story. No big deal.

No food poisoning.
No rampant deadly virus.
No flesh eating bacteria.
No rashes on student posteriors. (I'm not kidding, that was one of the rumors.)
The Plague has not hit the school.
This was not the biological weapon created in Sengala on 24.
Jack Bauer has not been called, and has not been infected.
There is no sign of monkeys or Dustin Hoffman anywhere.
A giant tent did NOT have to be built around the perimeter of the town.
The virus in question does NOT cause severe blindness or bleeding ulcers on your uvula.
I, at this moment, do not have memory loss.
No one at this moment has bled out of any orifice that they were born with.
I, at this moment, do not have memory loss.
People who live in Riverhead, are not in danger of catching this virus, unless, they, too, have the 24-hour flu.
No part of anyone's body has, to date, sprouted legs of its own and crawled away from the host body.
The Blob, does not exist.
Panic has NOT ensued with students crawling over each other to get the last surgical mask.
This did not escape from Brookhaven Lab OR Plum Island
No one at our school can even spell SARS.
and finally
I, at this moment, do not have memory loss.

Stop believing what ANYONE at ANY media outlet says. Television is for entertainment, not information.
Thank you.