On Revenge and Respect

courtesy of my blog: http://cjferrara.blogspot.com

A former pastor of mine gave a sermon that impacted me greatly. The church reading was the one where Jesus said, "If a man hits you on the right cheek, turn and offer him your left." This has served to represent the peaceful way that we must relate to one another, rather than constantly retaliating against those who wrong us.

The rebuttal to this idea is always, "Yeah, right, what am I supposed to do, just let him hit me with no consequences?" And this thought often leads to a reversal of Jesus' message. This pastor chose to put it a different way. Rather than thinking about the justice of someone hitting you and deserving some form of punishment; maybe Jesus had a different idea in mind.

Maybe He meant that seeking revenge against those who wrong you will hurt you in the long run. I have been in several situations where people have wronged me, and I have felt the need to "get back" at them. This becomes a vicious cycle of one-upsmanship that means that the next few months, years or even the rest of your life will be consumed with this battle of who is the better man. I've been there. It sucks. You feel every day that the world is against you, and find it very hard to be happy. Therefore, it's better for US to leave the judgement and retaliation to God, and yes, actually, let the guy hit you again.

A student once brought this up during an assembly about the behavior in the halls. He asked, "If someone hits you, and then you hit them back, isn't that self-defence?" The answer is no. Self-defence means preventing someone from attacking you successfully. If you are in the midst of being attacked, and the only way to keep the attacker from hurting you is to hit them back, knocking them out; THAT's self defence. If someone wrongs you, then you feel the need to give them one in return; that's revenge.

It also violates Benjamin Zander's "Rule Number Six;" (Stop taking yourself so God damned seriously.) Yes, the assailant in question deserves consequences for his/her actions. But are YOU the guy to bring those consequences? Who are you, Superman? It's like saying, "How dare you slap ME on the right cheek? ME! Don't you know who I AM?"

I grew up having a lot of trouble believing in my father's rule of, "Respect all Adults." Without Question. My father had several friends who were absolute butt-heads. They were rude to me and my brother, talked down to us, even insulted me. When I responded sarcastically, my father spoke with me firmly. "That is an adult! I don't care who they are, you will respect your elders." I never understood it or agreed with it.

Whenever I discuss respect with my students, they define it as "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." My adolescent mind felt that these adults, in being rude to me, needed to have that rudeness returned; it's only fair. It wasn't until I grew up, that I realized that it says, "As you would have..." not "Do unto others AS THEY DO unto you." In other words, I don't want disrespect, therefore I shouldn't give disrespect; regardless of their behavior.

Besides, maybe it works like the pastor's sermon. Maybe it's not about them, or justice, or what's right. Maybe youngsters should respect elders because being a respectful person is a good way to be. It builds your character into someone who can fight for justice later on. Or be a leader towards a more respectful world. And not feeling the need to fight all the time makes you a much happier person.