Black Friday

Thanksgiving is coming, and that means the official start of the Holiday Shopping Season, which, of course, begins with the dreaded BLACK FRIDAY.

When I think of Black Friday, I think of only one thing, idiots scrambling over each other like the zombies in World War Z to get crap that they imagine is on sale, and never going to be sold again ever. The news will run stories of how many people died being trampled at a Wal Mart at 5:59am by rabid shoppers trying to get in one second earlier than opening. We'll hear of people getting punched by another shopper so that they could take that last Tickle Me Wreck-it Ralph out of their cold, unconscious hand.

Black Friday is sold to us using Three Major Lies:
1) All this merchandise will be gone this weekend and if you don't get it now, your family will hate you. Otherwise known as the inspiration for that critically acclaimed film, "Jingle All The Way." Remember Cabbage Patch Kids, and Tickle Me Elmo? As a notorious Last-Minute Shopper, I can testify to you that this is a lie. Occasionally you get that choice item that you need to pre-order, or get it while it's available, but on December 23rd of every year I've been an adult, I've been able to find everything my family wanted for Christmas, and have had no problem shopping. And if I couldn't get the exact thing, I can always get them SOMETHING nice. When a store runs out of stuff, they RE-ORDER, and companies look forward to the holiday season by preparing to ship constantly. And even if there WAS a chance of selling out, it's not going to sell out FRIDAY! And even if it DOES sell out Friday, that's still 4 weeks until the holiday itself.

2)Everything's on sale, and will never be this cheap again. Mythbusters get on this! First of all, I'd be willing to bet that it's not that great a discount. And even if it WAS a big sale, I'd be willing to bet that it will continue to be on sale all through December.

and 3) Everybody's doing it, so get on the band wagon. Halloween and Dia de los Muertos are to the citizens of the monster realm as Black Friday is to those who over commercialize the holiday season. It's as if we never saw Charlie Brown Christmas ever. I'm curious as to how many "Keep Christ in Christmas" bumper stickers I can see in a Target parking lot overnight into Friday Morning; and how many hypocrites will leave the "Punch Your Brother in the Face for an XBox" Melee pissed off at the greeter because they said "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." It shouldn't be a part of the Christmas celebration, and I would appreciate it if everyone would stop using my holiday to create panic and hysteria.

There's a meme going around that indicates the irony of immediately following the day where we thank God for all that we have with a day that we run out and get more. So everyone CHILL OUT. And recite this mantra: I'll be able to shop later. I'll be able to shop later.....