The Tiddlymaster: a parable about sports.

Two years ago I tried something new. I tried giving a flying fig about the Olympics. I'm one of those guys who really admires the opening ceremonies, or watches the Super Bowl for the Half-time show. Yep, I'm a music geek.

But I tried really getting into the Beijing Olympics. Mainly for my kids. This marks one of those things that we can do as a family. I can use it as a teachable moment to let them know about teamwork, simple math problems, (If Michael Phelps wins 2 more Gold medals, how much pot can he smoke back at the hotel?) and geography (Where IS Namibia anyway?).

It was fun while it lasted, but ultimately, I'm a music geek, not a sports nut. I respect the amount of work and practice it takes to be REALLY good at a sport, and the toll it can take on your body, mainly because I'm unwilling to do it myself. And as passionately concerned as I can get over the outrage that is the Grammys, or the whole Conan/Leno thing, which meant more to me than the mortgage crisis; I can empathize with people who just wanted to hide in a dark room eating pounds of Haagen-Daas, and didn't want to go to work the next day because the Jets lost.

But there's a parable I use which helps to keep things in perspective when it comes to sporting events and outlines my point of view. Some may be offended at first, but please understand that I don't wish to belittle anyone's fandom, or passion for a local team. Heck, for one night a year I'm a crazy, passionate Long Island Ducks fan myself! This is how I see the world of sports.

Imagine the lovely game of Tiddlywinks. It's fun! You use a large plastic chip (the Tiddly) to press down on another smaller plastic chip (the wink. I'm not kidding) in order to flip the wink into a cup in the center. It's a fun game, that with practice takes some skill.
Well, one day people started gathering around a lunch table where some kids were playing Tiddlywinks. They were cheering them on, and the kid who won the game became famous for a day or two. People treated him to ice cream, and went around calling him the "Tiddlymaster." It was great.
An entrepreneur named Timmy realized how popular tiddly winks was becoming, so he decided to have a game at his house, and charged people a dollar to watch. He talked two of his friends, including the Tiddlymaster, into playing and made some money off of the event. This eventually became a weekly thing, and became so popular that the income generated earned Timmy some cool stuff. An X-box, a new bike, etc. This weekly tiddlywinks game became big business.
One week, the Tiddlymaster had to go to his uncle's dumb birthday party with his parents, and couldn't make the game. Upon realizing that the Tiddlymaster would not be playing, some kids left demanding their dollar back. It was clear; if Timmy was going to keep making money off of this, he had to convince the Tiddlymaster to keep playing. So he offered him a piece of the money he brought in. That way, it was worth his while to keep playing for him.
Now, the other players didn't think that was fair, and tried to ask for a piece of the action as well, but Timmy wouldn't have it. Another wise entrepreneur named Melvin spoke on behalf of the other kids and convinced Timmy that the other kids would not play unless they were paid, and since Tiddlymaster couldn't play with himself (tee hee), Timmy agreed to pay each player a piece of the till. In order to keep making a profit, he raised the price to $5 to watch; which people paid, because they wanted to watch their hero play. Some people just gave Timmy $50 for a season ticket to get into all the games.
Eventually, Melvin got smart. He realized that so long as people are willing to pay to watch kids play tiddlywinks, Timmy had to give the players whatever they wanted to keep them playing. To make a long story short, (Too late!) the negotiations continued. Timmy getting as much money as possible out of the people watching, selling souvenir tiddlywink t-shirts, commemorative winks for the kids, etc. Melvin kept representing players, discussing when they would play, how much they would be compensated, and negotiating deals for Tiddlymaster brand snack cakes, and commercial appearances. "When I beat Johnny Iskawitz in the great Tiddly Bowl in 2009, I used Easyflow brand tiddlies... Then I went to Disneyworld." And the fans? Well, the fact that they saw the players getting famous and rich off of the game, they rabidly sought out tickets, and souvenirs and snack cakes and all things revolving around the National Organization of Tiddlywinkers. (or N.O.T.) In fact, small leagues of tiddlywinks started popping up in schools, and the star player became even more popular than even the best triangle player in the band. And the triangle players get all the chicks!

And through it all... they all lost sight of the fact that it's a freakin' game. You can play it with your friends and family. It's supposed to be fun. I try to remember that when I see a football player complaining about his contract, or being revered as a role model. I mean what gave him such importance? He's good at playing a game. Why do we drive kids to the breaking point to make them awesome athletes? Why do some of my students believe that playing basketball is their way out of the ghetto?

For the record, I'm good at playing music. I get a tremendous amount of enjoyment from it. I'd do it for free if I could, and I often have, (especially at CAP.) I try, however to not take myself too seriously as an artist. I've come to just be thankful that I can just do what I love for a living.