If BP was your Doctor

courtesy of my blog: http://cjferrara.blogspot.com/

Hello, Mr. Smith, what seems to be the problem? Oh, you were hit in the head with an axe and you're bleeding profusely from the cranium? OK, we can take care of that, don't you worry. Here, why don't you put this hat on. That should catch all the blood. 

(15 minutes later)

How are we doing? Hmmm. the top hat doesn't seem to have worked. Perhaps we need a smaller hat. Here, try this derby.

Hmmm. that's not working either. Well, here. I'll go outside and grab some sand, some broken glass, cigarette butts and stuff. We'll shove it in your would and try to plug it up. I'll be right back. Don't worry about the mess, we'll take care of that in due time.

(15 minutes later)

Well, let's see. Hmmm the dirt and garbage in the wound didn't work. What's that? I'm having trouble understanding you with your slurred speech, Mr. Smith. Surgery? You mean stop the bleeding with direct pressure and then sewing up the wound so that you won't bleed out? Maybe... that will be our last resort. First, let's stick some tubes into your head to guide the blood out safely into a containment unit.

(15 minutes later)

All our efforts to try to contain the bloodflow have been unsuccessful. I've got it... let's try washing it. Then we'll pump some water into the wound. When we're done, that should prevent it from ever bleeding again. Mr. Smith? Sir, you can't keep passing out like that, we can't help you if you're....

Mr. Smith? Oh, well, the bleeding has stopped. Now, what to do about this ER? I know, let's build a wall around bed 13, so that the mess doesn't spread to the coffee room. Nah, put the mop away, we've got this under control!