My Favorite Things - NOT a CHRISTMAS SONG!

courtesy of my blog: http://cjferrara.blogspot.com

I love Christmas Music. It's probably my favorite part of the season. I play Christmas music while decorating the tree, while wrapping presents, and it is a MUST while shopping. I'm also very particular about my music. It must be good, it must have the right message behind the holiday stories, and most of all - and I don't think it's too much to ask - it must actually BE a Christmas song.

It's a serious pet peeve of mine. I'm not even talking about songs like Sleigh Ride and Jingle Bells, which are technically about winter, not Christmas. I mean songs like "Same Old Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg. Not a Christmas Song. It's about getting drunk in your car with your ex-girlfriend. "Silver and Gold;" not a Christmas Song. It's about getting rich. It mentions a Christmas Tree, but that's about it. But the worst offender by far... is "My Favorite Things."

It's not about Christmas, not from a Christmas Special or Movie, in fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. The only possible connection could be that this is a list of My Favorite Things, so therefore, here's what I want for Christmas. First of all, Greedy! Second of all, even if that were true, the list itself is ridiculous as a Christmas List, bordering on sick and twisted. Let's go down it, shall we?

Raindrops on Roses - Roses are fine, but the list specifically asks for the raindrops. Even if we got them wet, they will certainly evaporate by the time the day happens. We could put the roses in the box, but then the condensation would be on the box, and not on the roses.
Whiskers on Kittens - again, do we want the whiskers, or the kittens. Since they must be ON the kittens, I'd assume both. Pets are usually a tricky gift to wrap. And why go through the trouble of getting the whole kitten just for the whiskers? Silly, really.
Bright Copper Kettles and Warm Woolen Mittens - OK, this we can do. Nice gifts. I like them.
Brown Paper Packages tied up with strings. - You're allowed to tell me what you want me to get. You are NOT allowed to tell me how to wrap them. You know what usually comes in brown paper packages? And are we good enough friends to warrant that type of gift?
Now we get weird.
Cream Colored Ponies - OK, this is extravagant. Where are you going to keep a pony in your apartment, really? Oh, sorry, not A pony, but PONIES? I'd be lucky to find just one. And I can't guarantee that they'll all be cream colored.
Crisp Apple Strudel - Food is always a nice gift. But between now and Christmas, the Strudel may not be crisp anymore. I know, I'll get a frozen Strudel and you can bake it on Christmas day.
Doorbells and Sleigh Bells - Lots of bells, there. It's going to be noisy. And you don't really need more than one doorbell. Unless you are getting one for the BACK door also.
Schnitzel with Noodles - Taking food stuff to the limit. If I make you Schnitzel with Noodles, and then put it in a box, then bring it to your house and put it under your tree, it's going to be a mess. Haven't you ever delivered a pizza? Things shift in transit, you know.
Silver White Winters that Melt into Springs - Ask any weather man. I can NOT predict the weather, let alone guarantee that this winter will be Silver White, and that it will melt into spring. And again, the plural! I'd need to guarantee that every year from now on? Forget it.
Girls in White Dresses with Blue Satin Sashes - Really? This sounds like you're ordering a girl. And you want her dressed a certain way. Are you having a party? I'll need to call some people, and set this all up. I'm not really sure this is legal. Are you sure?
Snowflakes That Stay on My Nose and Eyelashes - Fine, I'll throw a snowball at your face.
Wild Geese that Fly With the Moon on Their Wings - All right: A) You want the Geese to fly, so we can't clip their wings. So how am I supposed to catch these things to get them too you? B) You specify that you want WILD geese. I'm going to get pecked, flapped and shat upon in the process. Those Wild Geese can be nasty. C) the moon on their wings is up to you. You'll have to hold on to them, and keep them and feed them until a nice moonlit night to let them fly with the moon on their wings. and D) why am I going to get you something that's just going to fly away anyway? You want this, YOU risk your life in a wild goose pond and get it yourself, you demanding biyotch!