12 Days of Christmas - Day 12 - The WORST

It happens every year, when I return to work, I tend to forget to blog, and I have to play catch up with the countdown. Fortunately, It usually means that I send My True Loves both 11 pipers AND 12 Drummers on the same day. So basically, we make a kickin' marching band! What better way to celebrate today, January 6th, Epiphany, the celebration of the arrival of the Three Magi to the Manger, Santa's final real day of work, and the official end to the Christmas Season. Time to take the SCUD down. And time to wrap up the Worst Christmas Song Countdown. It was a real battle royale this year, also. I'll explain my decision later, but first let's waddle through the Dreck.

12. Do They Know It's Christmas - Of course not, they're Muslim in Ethiopa, idiot!
11. Santa Baby - More like Santa, Yucky!
10. The Chipmunk Song - Without this, there would be no Chipwrecked, just sayin'.
9. Frosty The Snowman - Thumpety Thump Thump in my head!
8. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. - Rockin' it ain't
7. Blue Christmas - OooooOOOoooooooo Ew.
6. It's a Marshmallow World - If that were true, I'd like it.
5. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Attaboy, celebrate the death of Seniors!
4. Dominic The Donkey - My Italian blood boils whenever I hear it.
3. The Mariah Carey song that shall not be named.

Which brings us to a tie for First place. Exactly the same number of people hated the Number 2 song, and the Number 1 song. When we get a tie like this, I make the call, and place it in the order I see fit.

Number 2 is the phenomenally stupid "The Christmas Shoes." Maudlin, Sappy, and DUH, an obvious scam! Like a Republican who used to applaud the brilliance of Michelle Bachman, but then saw the error of his ways; many people used to think this song was beautiful, poignant and captured the true spirit of Christmas. Then, they heard it a second time. I have always wanted to write a sequel where the kid cons people in another store into paying for a pair of pants, a few groceries... "Sir I want to buy this XBox, for my... um... Momma, Please...."

Worst ever, right? Well, I put it at number 2 because as misguided and sappy and irritating as it is... it had the best of intentions. I mean, the songwriter and author of the book were trying to make a point about charity and doing a simple act of kindness to make a big difference in the world. Obviously, he failed to accomplish this goal, but still... it was a valiant attempt, right up to the point where he wrote "So, I laid my money down;" A lyric that should never appear in a song that's not about Gypsies, Tramps and Theives.

That also put it just a hair above the number one WORST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER, which contrastingly has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. "Last Christmas" either by Wham! or by whichever no talent loser thought it was a good idea to cover it. "I pledged my love to you last Christmas, you broke my heart the very next day. I apparently held a grudge about it for a whole year, and this year, I'm going to give it to someone special. You know why? Because, clearly, I never learn, that's why!" It's even got the condescending babyish melody guaranteed to annoy you to the point of inciting violence. The irritating synth sounds accompanying a lame ass vocal performance of a plodding, redundant, repetative, redundant chorus.

Well, that's it for this year, my true loves. Thanks for voting and for reading. Please keep checking in and sharing the blog.

And as Greg Lake wrote in my personal choice for favorite song, "I Believe in Father Christmas:" I wish you a brave new year.  All anguish, pain and sadness leave your heart and let your road be clear.